befabulo.us: What I've Learned

Crutches.
If you borrow a pair of crutches of indeterminate age, and those crutches have icky, cracked, deodorant-crusted tops, a pair of those peds-like "foot covers" meant to be worn with dress shoes make excellent crutch covers.

Do not believe the height markings on the adjustable portion of the crutch. According to the laser-measuring device at the children's science museum, I am exactly 5'2" tall, but when we set the crutches to the point labeled 5'2", I was hunched like Quasimodo. Either I am secretly 5'5", or the crutch manufacturers were smoking crack. (Do you think that could be crack on the armpit part? I am not willing to smoke it to find out.)

Also, crutches suck, and are exhausting to use. On a more positive note, though, I expect my scrawny arms to be righteously ripped at the end of this experience.

Doctors.
If you ever find yourself with a foot injury that doesn't involve gaping wounds, go directly to a podiatrist. They seem to be the only doctors who have any knowledge of the mysterious workings of feet. In my case, the general practitioner was useless; he believed that the absence of an obvious fracture on my x-rays meant that there was no real injury. I needed a specialist. First I tried bone doctors, orthopaedists, and early this morning I called two different "orthopaedics and sports medicine clinics" only to be told by both, quite firmly, that they had a no-foot policy. "We don't do feet." I am a little confused about how one can reconcile "sports medicine" with "don't do feet," as every athlete I've ever seen (with the exception of certain paralympians) tends to use their feet. Even swimmers need feet! The first office I called was somewhat rude about my request for foot treatment, but the receptionist at the second office was kind enough to explain that I needed the services of a podiatrist. A foot doctor. I called a podiatry clinic next, and was offered an appointment for Friday afternoon. "Is there any way you could get me in sooner than that?" I asked. "I can't walk, and I have a six year old kid. I really need help as soon as possible." No. Friday. But at least they do feet!

I called another place, and was offered an appointment at lunchtime. Nice.

After another set of x-rays -- more detailed this time, as they were done on a special foot x-ray machine -- and a mercifully short wait -- because the pictures on the wall in a podiatrist's office, displaying the varied foot ailments they are happy to treat, are gross, truly and utterly gross -- I met with the doctor. He listened carefully to my tale and my explanation of my symptoms, and then spent a while inspecting the x-rays now hung on the lightbox on the wall. The diagnosis? I have a bone contusion on my navicular (I was right!), which is actually an area of microfractures on the surface of the bone. That should take about a month to heal, and I need to maintain my no-walking regime for at least the next two weeks. But that's not all! When the sword came slicing down, it whacked me right across the main nerve running along the top of my foot. "It couldn't have been better aimed to hit that nerve," said Dr. I Do Feet. That explains the shooting nerve pains and the numbness in my second and third toe. Nerve damage. Mononeuritis, to be technical, a single nerve that's all kinds of messed up, and will remain so for three months or more.

It's actually good news, because as soon as the bone heals I can get back to normal life. Activity won't impede the healing of the nerve. I might just swear more in yoga class, that's all.

Comments

Just a bit of ASS-vce about crutches (I've been on them more times than I can count). The crutches may be set correctly - crutches are not meant to be used by leaning the pad on the armpit (they are supposed to sit about 2 inches below your when standing normally). You are supposed to use your hands to absorb the weight, not your armpits.

Either way, glad you FINALLY have an answer to all your pain. Whew, just a few more weeks of rest.

Posted by: BethanyWD | 12 January 2009 at 09:59 PM